What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Do you know what she said mum?

What do you mean son?

Is using tech to track or monitor your partner’s activities a sign of love, insecurity, or control?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

How does it feel to watch your wife get fucked hard?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Liberals, why don't you like Conservatives?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

True - how I loved my mum!

What! how could you do that?

I see ugly guys dating gorgeous, "hot" women all the time. I, too, am not very attractive but I'm not doing well with the ladies. What's their secret?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.